Say mind if I use your phone? Figure I better check on the kids. No telling
what devilment they've gotten up to. (Dialing.) Everything gonna turn
out fine you'll see. (On the phone.) Hello? Cheryl? Cheryl dear,
this is Mommy. . . Mommy. . . your mother. (Aside.) Child needs a
hearing aid. What's that dear? Vernon Jr. threw a rock at you? Well,
throw one back at him, honey. Show him who's boss. Cheryl, sweetheart, put
Grandma on the phone. . . Cheryl this week! (Pause.) Sounds -like
they're running her ragged. Hello? Little Roger. Is that you. I don't want to
talk to you right now punkin, I want to talk to Grandma. . . 'cause I want to
talk to Grandma . . . yes Grandma does have baggy elbows. Now lemme talk to her.
. . what's that? Honey of course Mommy loves you. . . I love you all the same.
. . Do I love you more than who? Fred Flintstone. Yes. More than Paul Newman
no, but Fred Flintstone yes. . . It's a grown-up joke honey. Now put Grandma on
. . . She's what? Tied up! You untie her you hear me? You want a switchin'? . .
. Then you untie her, right now. . . Marion? That you. . . Oh, you were playin'
. . . Oh good I thought they had you tied up for real. . . How they doing. . .
yes . . . yes. . . yes I agree there is too much violence on TV. . . yes I'll
pick them up at five. . . No I won't be late. . . You have my solemn word. . .
Goodbye. What's that? Little Roger? . . . Yes it's nice to hear your voice
again too . . . You're playing what? Sniper? Vernon Jr. has climbed a tree in
the backyard and he has a brick? Well, little Roger, listen and listen
carefully, under no circumstances go under that tree. . . He's gonna drop the
brick on your head, sweetheart. . . So don't go under the tree. That's just
what he wants. . . OK . . . OK . . . "Yabba dabb doo" to you too. (She
hangs up.) He'll walk right under that tree. The child has no more sense
than God gave a screwdriver.
Hattie
Laundry and Bourbon by James McClure
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